I was thinking about how far I have come in peeling off the layers that must be released from my cells, I came across this writing from my early years in New Mexico.
As I look at the layers I have placed upon and around myself from society and societies past, I find there is much to release. I have made myself nothing but layers of the dos and don’ts of society wrapped around me until I no longer know the true me. Who am I really? Where does she hide within? How can I know her? Unwrap those layers and reveal yourself to the world. Yes, it will make me vulnerable to expose myself before all the world and God to see; but it will be the true me that I am seeking.
Yesterday as I peeled layers off, pieces, scraps of life unfolded and fell away. Faces and pieces of events no longer of importance flashed before me, freeing them from me, returning to the creative force once again to be transmuted to something more useful. No longer will it be stagnant energy weighing me down. In these past two days the lightness comes slowly. These must be the thinner layers to release, for I do not feel the lightness of years past when former lives lifted away from my body, some floating like ghosts up into the universe or other dimensions. These are only past memories that no longer serve. Even those negative, guilt-ridden layers hold no reason to retain them.
Today, instead of the pulse of other lifetimes and lessons learned, the release was more of society’s do and do not’s, challenging the tribes of this and other places. Marriage, diamonds representing the forever love of another, and a permanent relationship which often leads to impermanence are among the many. The spiraling ones strive for more money and the purchase of more things to create happiness is an illusion. Happiness cannot be created by things or purchased with money. Happiness is a choice at every moment as to how you want to look at the events around you and relate to them. The necklace of money weighed heavy around my neck as I removed it and let it fall away. The concept of home came next. Houses flashed before me, mostly modern, some large. Home is not a place. It is a feeling of love and comfort within you. The house is only a symbol of such a structure. Buildings deteriorate and crumble without the love of an occupant or owner. Love and the knowingness within of the belonging, being yourself and comfortable with the thought of who you really are, is more a sense of home. When the building is gone, what is left of your home?
How will I feel when I have stripped away all the layers of have to do’s placed around my being? These are all ideas, rules and regulations to control the real me. Who will I be when I unfold completely? How will I feel to the world, raw and exposed? Will it be another layer of do and don’t and judgments by others? Will I worry about how others feel about me or think of me? Will I need to search for things that make me feel better and build my ego or will I be a child again, laughing, playing, knowing who I am and not caring what others think, not needing others to tell me who I am or mirror what society chooses for me to think? By stripping off the onion layers and strengthening my core with God’s unconditional love, it won’t matter what others think. I will know who I am, the true me. No one will be able to influence me or my thinking. Only I and God can do that. It is what I choose. I choose to find the real me and the unwavering strength and oneness within, reflecting it without, showing others their truth.
I am a diamond in the raw, buried within for many lifetimes.
Wishing you love in all that you do,
Mary